I was standing at the deli counter at the grocery store when all of a sudden that feeling came over me. I had only had that feeling one other time, but it was at home and things are different when you don't have the security of being home. I took my sweatshirt off and tried the best I could to shrug it off since I was still in the beginning phase of grocery shopping. I received everything I requested and at that time knew I was not going to be able to finish the rest of the shopping.
I was standing there with the cart having the produce and deli items checked off my list with a bunch of stuff yet to purchase and with Tucker looking at me as innocently as possible when I had no idea what to do. I knew I had to do something and somewhat quickly or I was going to fall over. The rush of heat over me and light headedness, I had to sit down. I surveyed the area and could not see a chair any where in sight, if only I had turned around I would have seen a whole area of tables and chairs, after all I was in the deli area where some people go in to eat. This soon to be embarrassing situation could have been avoided.
After what seemed like forever, I decided to go over out of the way and just sit on the floor. I looked up at Tuck and he was just sitting there, smiling and hanging out. It was not long when a manager who was taking inventory had come over to me and asked if I was OK and asked if I would like some water, I accepted and another lady had come over to comfort Tuck and stay with me while the manager went to get the water.
After a couple of minutes, I was feeling better and the manager had offered a rushed check-out and have someone help me get to my car. I was feeling better as I started walking to the register and the manager had said, "I'm Terri a manager here". I thanked her for everything while we were walking and told her my name and explained my situation. I got to the register and checked out and made my way home.
When I got home, I was feeling a lot better, but still had the need to lie down. On the way home, Tuck had fallen asleep, and I could only feel for the little guy. Here we were on a Saturday outing and the next thing he knew, I was sitting on the floor and he had strangers talking to him. It is one thing for me to have to go through this, and for me and my family to make sacrifices, but that was a little too much for me.
I guess it is just another thing to add to my list of limitations. I know it is not a big thing, but the opportunity to take a solo trip out with one of the kids is something that is fun and exciting and what parent does not like to hang out with their kids one on one? I understand this is not a forever thing, just temporary, but I am looking forward to becoming normal again.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Being Average
I have had a lot of progress in the last week, I am now flying solo with my dialysis exchanges!! I do 4 of them a day and to be honest, like everything else, this will take a little time getting used to. The biggest hurdle I need to get over is my confidence. I spent the last week doing the exchanges over and over again, but doing them at home somehow is different for me.
It is not hard to do, and really not nearly as time consuming as I thought they would be. I have found the most challenging things to be getting the bags to the proper temperature and getting all the required supplies. Now gathering the supplies is not much of a challenge as to remember to get everything the first time.
The funniest thing that has happened is Torre comparing me to a new born baby this morning. She said "think about it, you are now on a whole new schedule, a new eating schedule, and you have to do the exchanges (comparing it to changing a diaper change), you are like a new born baby!!" It cracked me up and helped lighten my mood, as much as this is a difference in my life and as I adapt, she helps me see the brighter side of things!!
As for the exchanges, they take less than an hour to complete, which includes getting what I need, draining and then filling again. I think once I become proficient with it, I can get it down to 30 to 45 min which I don't believe is bad at all.
The next milestone I have to look forward to is after about 6 weeks, there is a chance I can get on a machine that will do the exchanges for me overnight, so then I will just hook up at night and unhook in the morning. Most people qualify for this type of treatment and as the nurse said yesterday, I am "average". Average meaning that I drain and fill in an adequate time period and I am pulling off an adequate amount of fluid each time, which is what they seem to be happy with. If this is what it means to be "average", then I am happy to be just that Average!!
It is not hard to do, and really not nearly as time consuming as I thought they would be. I have found the most challenging things to be getting the bags to the proper temperature and getting all the required supplies. Now gathering the supplies is not much of a challenge as to remember to get everything the first time.
The funniest thing that has happened is Torre comparing me to a new born baby this morning. She said "think about it, you are now on a whole new schedule, a new eating schedule, and you have to do the exchanges (comparing it to changing a diaper change), you are like a new born baby!!" It cracked me up and helped lighten my mood, as much as this is a difference in my life and as I adapt, she helps me see the brighter side of things!!
As for the exchanges, they take less than an hour to complete, which includes getting what I need, draining and then filling again. I think once I become proficient with it, I can get it down to 30 to 45 min which I don't believe is bad at all.
The next milestone I have to look forward to is after about 6 weeks, there is a chance I can get on a machine that will do the exchanges for me overnight, so then I will just hook up at night and unhook in the morning. Most people qualify for this type of treatment and as the nurse said yesterday, I am "average". Average meaning that I drain and fill in an adequate time period and I am pulling off an adequate amount of fluid each time, which is what they seem to be happy with. If this is what it means to be "average", then I am happy to be just that Average!!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Perspective
I had the opportunity to participate in a candle light vigil tonight to help raise awareness for Organ and Tissue donation. It brought it home to me that this is so much bigger than I am. As people got up and told their story of how organ donation has touched their lives and with my wife's eyes filled with tears I was so humbled.
I recently went back and read each of my blog posts and it seems that I am pretty repetitive. The message I would like to send, is that no matter what situation you are in, your outlook is the most important. I have friends and know people who are going through some pretty tough stuff, and if you ask them they think what I am going through is much more difficult, but when I hear what they are going through I think they are going through much more difficult times.
For me, as I have said before there is an end to what I am going through, sure, it may take a little time, but it is there. Unfortunately, I have some friends who are going through relationship struggles some of which either are or have resulted in divorce. Other friends have struggled with life threatening disease and illness who toe the line daily with living and dying.
That is why I say to me it all about perspective with the situation you are facing. Keep your chin up and face whatever it is you have to face head on with the best attitude you can - it will make a difference in the end result!! You can do anything you want and as I always say, "The only thing that can limit you is your own imagination!!"
I recently went back and read each of my blog posts and it seems that I am pretty repetitive. The message I would like to send, is that no matter what situation you are in, your outlook is the most important. I have friends and know people who are going through some pretty tough stuff, and if you ask them they think what I am going through is much more difficult, but when I hear what they are going through I think they are going through much more difficult times.
For me, as I have said before there is an end to what I am going through, sure, it may take a little time, but it is there. Unfortunately, I have some friends who are going through relationship struggles some of which either are or have resulted in divorce. Other friends have struggled with life threatening disease and illness who toe the line daily with living and dying.
That is why I say to me it all about perspective with the situation you are facing. Keep your chin up and face whatever it is you have to face head on with the best attitude you can - it will make a difference in the end result!! You can do anything you want and as I always say, "The only thing that can limit you is your own imagination!!"
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
The Squad
I was at the dialysis unit yesterday for my weekly check-up and flush and just before I was called in, the paramedic squad was walking through the door. There was no rush, just a calm pace as the 4 men entered with tackle boxes of supplies and a stretcher, as a nurse held the door open for them.
It was hard to tell what exactly was going on as the Hemo and Peritoneal (PD) areas are separated and they were headed into the Hemo side as I entered the PD area. There was no commotion or hurried activity, just the presence of a paramedic squad.
When I asked my nurse if that happens a lot, she just looked at me and gracefully smiled and said, "yeah, we see them every once in a while". It was an interesting response, as the nurse who helps me is very nice and sincere and gives the impression that she has been doing this for a while. I really couldn't tell if it was a rare or frequent occasion, but it did give me the feeling, that they are not called unless it is absolutely necessary.
It brought home the feeling of how lucky I am. Sure I may be tired a lot, and low on energy, but I have a lot of things on my side. I am young, other than having a tube hanging out of me and a little high blood pressure - I don't have significant health problems. As a matter of fact, Torre was just saying the other day, there is an end in sight. I will be on my daily routine of 4 exchanges a day and having energy within a matter of a week and the transplant will be here before we know it.
I consider myself lucky because I have and end somewhere out there. I may not have an exact date, but I do have somewhat of a timeline. Torre and I talk a lot about what we are going through and are constantly overwhelmed with prayers and the nice things that people have helped out with.
Thank you to everyone who has helped us in one way or another and thank you very much for the continued prayers and support, they are very much appreciated!!
It was hard to tell what exactly was going on as the Hemo and Peritoneal (PD) areas are separated and they were headed into the Hemo side as I entered the PD area. There was no commotion or hurried activity, just the presence of a paramedic squad.
When I asked my nurse if that happens a lot, she just looked at me and gracefully smiled and said, "yeah, we see them every once in a while". It was an interesting response, as the nurse who helps me is very nice and sincere and gives the impression that she has been doing this for a while. I really couldn't tell if it was a rare or frequent occasion, but it did give me the feeling, that they are not called unless it is absolutely necessary.
It brought home the feeling of how lucky I am. Sure I may be tired a lot, and low on energy, but I have a lot of things on my side. I am young, other than having a tube hanging out of me and a little high blood pressure - I don't have significant health problems. As a matter of fact, Torre was just saying the other day, there is an end in sight. I will be on my daily routine of 4 exchanges a day and having energy within a matter of a week and the transplant will be here before we know it.
I consider myself lucky because I have and end somewhere out there. I may not have an exact date, but I do have somewhat of a timeline. Torre and I talk a lot about what we are going through and are constantly overwhelmed with prayers and the nice things that people have helped out with.
Thank you to everyone who has helped us in one way or another and thank you very much for the continued prayers and support, they are very much appreciated!!
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Adaptation
I think one of the most amazing things in the world is the ability to adapt. I am still adjusting to some normal everyday things but at least I can now put on my socks and shoes without pain!! I have definitely learned more patience with myself and others. Although convincing others to have a little patience is more of a challenge than to convince myself that patience is needed.
For example - taking a shower. The not so fun part of having my port put in was the 2 week period of not showering during the healing process, and washing in a sink is just not the same as a shower - I think that goes without saying. It's a simple thing to shower, just turn on the shower and get in right. Well things have changed for me for such a simple task. Rather than just take a quick shower, it takes me currently about 30 minutes just to get ready to shower - I actually have to "wash" before I shower so I can get all the supplies ready for when I get out of the shower.
I am becoming more proficient, but still need to make adjustments. I know with time I will get even better so I will rely on patience and practice!!
For example - taking a shower. The not so fun part of having my port put in was the 2 week period of not showering during the healing process, and washing in a sink is just not the same as a shower - I think that goes without saying. It's a simple thing to shower, just turn on the shower and get in right. Well things have changed for me for such a simple task. Rather than just take a quick shower, it takes me currently about 30 minutes just to get ready to shower - I actually have to "wash" before I shower so I can get all the supplies ready for when I get out of the shower.
I am becoming more proficient, but still need to make adjustments. I know with time I will get even better so I will rely on patience and practice!!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
A Forgotten Anniversary
So 10 years ago yesterday, March 6, 2000, I received a call from the Ohio State University Medical Center. It was a call that changed my life. Yesterday came and went and it was in the middle of the night last night that I even remembered it. Yesterday was my 10 year anniversary of my kidney transplant.
I am not sure what to think about the day, the fact that the day changed my life, or a reminder of what I am currently going through. With the dialysis process starting, it is easy to think of all that I have recently been through and all the stuff that will be taking place, after all I am reminded every time I stand up and sit down.
The day is also a reminder of all the things that I have been able to do the last 10 years. I have been able to be employed, and enjoy my relationship with my wife. Most enjoyable would be the birth of my daughter Marin and son Tucker. We have been able to travel a little and experience things as a family that some people without health concerns are not able to do, I guess yesterday is a great reminder of how truly lucky of a person I am!!
Since I have started this journey and the blogging, I have had a lot of people tell me how they are impressed with my outlook on the situation. The truth is I just take it one day at a time and do what I have to do. After all, I did not choose to have this happen to me, so I make the best of what I have and control what I can control.
I want to thank everyone for the prayers and well wishes, they do mean a lot. I go Tuesday to have my catheter flushed and Wednesday have some final tests done before the dialysis begins, I am actually looking forward to the dialysis to have more energy!!
Happy Anniversary "Sidney the kidney"!!
I am not sure what to think about the day, the fact that the day changed my life, or a reminder of what I am currently going through. With the dialysis process starting, it is easy to think of all that I have recently been through and all the stuff that will be taking place, after all I am reminded every time I stand up and sit down.
The day is also a reminder of all the things that I have been able to do the last 10 years. I have been able to be employed, and enjoy my relationship with my wife. Most enjoyable would be the birth of my daughter Marin and son Tucker. We have been able to travel a little and experience things as a family that some people without health concerns are not able to do, I guess yesterday is a great reminder of how truly lucky of a person I am!!
Since I have started this journey and the blogging, I have had a lot of people tell me how they are impressed with my outlook on the situation. The truth is I just take it one day at a time and do what I have to do. After all, I did not choose to have this happen to me, so I make the best of what I have and control what I can control.
I want to thank everyone for the prayers and well wishes, they do mean a lot. I go Tuesday to have my catheter flushed and Wednesday have some final tests done before the dialysis begins, I am actually looking forward to the dialysis to have more energy!!
Happy Anniversary "Sidney the kidney"!!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Under the knife
Well, today I get the PD catheter placed in my abdomen. Although I am not nervous about the minor day surgery, I am a little apprehensive about the tube that I will have hanging out of me. It will just take some getting used to.
It was funny, I had lunch about a week ago with my mentor and told him what was going on. I was explaining the process and what I would and would not be able to do (go in hot tubs, oceans, swim in dirty pools etc). When I got we were talking about the things I would not be able to do, he looked at me and chuckled. I asked him what he was chuckling about and he asked me... "When was the last time you did any of those things?" It was funny because I cannot remember the last time I had done any of those things.
The hardest part I think I will have is getting used to the tube that will hang out of me for the exchanges. The only other difficulties I can for see is the limit in lifting things (nothing over 40 lbs.) and it will be a challenge when the kids want to climb on me...
I am looking at it as the next step and a little adjusting and all will be fine!!
It was funny, I had lunch about a week ago with my mentor and told him what was going on. I was explaining the process and what I would and would not be able to do (go in hot tubs, oceans, swim in dirty pools etc). When I got we were talking about the things I would not be able to do, he looked at me and chuckled. I asked him what he was chuckling about and he asked me... "When was the last time you did any of those things?" It was funny because I cannot remember the last time I had done any of those things.
The hardest part I think I will have is getting used to the tube that will hang out of me for the exchanges. The only other difficulties I can for see is the limit in lifting things (nothing over 40 lbs.) and it will be a challenge when the kids want to climb on me...
I am looking at it as the next step and a little adjusting and all will be fine!!
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